She's Lost Control Again by Nicole Blackman (pp. 91-104)
Double Trouble in the Love Art Lab by Stephens and Sprinkle (pp. 105-118)
Friends as Heroes by Silas Howard (pp. 119-128)
Rappin' My Wounds by Toni Blackman (pp. 129-140))
The Artful Art fo the Role of Art in the Ugly Art of Survival by DiMassa (pp. 141-148)
Weight Watcher by Stephanie Howell (pp. 149-162)
First off. Some images of recycled bottles in my yard. I forgot to post those last week. I try to recycle dish water (grey water-I water outside plants with it), and most of what used to go into my garbage. If I didn't mention this, TTU-Lubbock campus recycles cardboard, plastic, tin, and glass and last year created 31 $1,000 scholarships for students.
Your posts from last week reveal some of your connections to similar issues. Reading this book with all of the personal accounts really exemplifies what first person "I" language is and how it can be used.
Our third book models examples of research that sometimes were midwived here. Those graduate students wove together their stories about their art, projects or theses--their personal and professional issues.
Don't panic if you still have not figured out a project. If you are over-stressed and over-extended, you can catch-up on previous weeks if you need to. Do what you need to do to stay sane. Some of these readings are photo essays and comics. This book offers us a more open and honest way of listening to writers who write what is really important in their lives--note how one uses an alias. What does it mean in our lives that when we talk about what is most important, there are few venues to share? I know of no academic venues where writers really tell it all. Everything harrowing is edited out and i art education publications, for example, most everything is reduced to a lesson plan--usually a bad one.
In terms of projects, if you are stuck, write about being stuck for now. Hopefully this book will help you if you are stuck--widen what is possible in terms of topics. Like in the movie Julie and Julia (2009), you can start a blog, or start to journal ideas--that can be a beginning to a project--all I want is a beginning.
Don't panic if you still have not figured out a project. If you are over-stressed and over-extended, you can catch-up on previous weeks if you need to. Do what you need to do to stay sane. Some of these readings are photo essays and comics. This book offers us a more open and honest way of listening to writers who write what is really important in their lives--note how one uses an alias. What does it mean in our lives that when we talk about what is most important, there are few venues to share? I know of no academic venues where writers really tell it all. Everything harrowing is edited out and i art education publications, for example, most everything is reduced to a lesson plan--usually a bad one.
In terms of projects, if you are stuck, write about being stuck for now. Hopefully this book will help you if you are stuck--widen what is possible in terms of topics. Like in the movie Julie and Julia (2009), you can start a blog, or start to journal ideas--that can be a beginning to a project--all I want is a beginning.
We are reading autobiographical research--self-stories written by authors. Auto ethnographic writing is more layered as an author will write something, then write about the writing, often analyzing or referring other material or data to it. Anything ethnographic applies to our teaching, our lives, our friends, our moods, our art, etc. A few of us have posted and reminded us that there is hope--and healing when broken.
I have a few friends who have told me that when they die, I or others must go into their bedrooms and destroy their journals. And they are adamant about this. As I reread this book, I am reminded of the radical notion of listening--listening as a pedagogical strategy. A radical one. Just to listen. I learned that mainly from female friends throughout my life. I don't have to fix anything. Just be there and listen.
In the past, people have said things about this book: a former MAE identified with emotions and sometimes not the methods. For many this is difficult to read. Many have noticed all of the different methods of making research/writing/poetry/art/etc. These books are powerfully frightening in many ways--stimulating. These autobiographical pieces can be useless or helpful. Focus on ones that stimulate you as some of you have as indicated in your posts.
If you are struggling with project ideas, you can create a private project that no one else sees AND that even I don't see. Yes, that is an option. If it's that private, I accommodate. You do not have to prove to me that you made something--I will trust that you did.
Journaling is for oneself, so if yours is that private, that's fine with me. If you just want me to see something, that is fine also. Just keep in mind that these are beginnings to something--you do not have to finish. Begin to think about one thing and how you might do it. Your project may be just that--a blueprint for something you might do in the future. NOT NOW. A project could be a journal entry where you journal about being stuck--your fears--anxieties, etc. And that's it. Think simply. Yes, email and re-email me any questions about projects.
A series of posts and images just about thinking about what I learned and still do not know about my body. Two plein air trading card-size watercolors and text about what I never learned about my body--that's a project. Simple. Think of this as notes. A photo essay of me or my friends and what we all did not know about our bodies. Getting the idea--personal always works for me. And remember, sometimes that is not interesting to anyone else but me/us. Another example: a project where you make art with your sister or son or daughter--and the story behind that--that's a project. Think of this project as a snapshot of something. Think of background info--What draws it all together. A short story describing an event and maybe a digital image of some art made or their photos--that's a project. Look up Placenotes: Austin or Placentas: West Texas on Amazon. A project can be one photo or digital image and text on another page--or a backside. I was actually thinking of a former student Kim and a recipe card. The recipe is have major surgeries; reconnect with a sibling; make art; have conversations; bond and love each other. It's; that simple.
Please email me if you are struggling. No need to struggle. Breathe.
A few notes from last week. David posted about how we are rarely told we deserve pleasure-and if I might add knowing about our bodies. Niloofar posted and others about no sex educations. Google "The Education of Shelby Knox." That's a Lubbock documentary that you might find interesting. So many of these writers and people I know are survivors of so much. David commented about people he knew who are survivors of genocides. Nillofar posted about her connection between our current book and her artistic practice. And, it's all research-based. Niloofar also posted about two project ideas: self portraits and video with sound. Both are great ideas. Think about what theme/s you will have in your portraits.
What fascinates me about this book is how poets, writers, performers, visual artists, videographers, directors, musicians, and others come together to share their stories of creativity and self-destruciton. I hope you are reading the bios at the end of each chapter--these are amazing individuals. And many of them are performers. Performance seems to be lacking in our daily lives as artists and teachers and for many of these writers, performance is absolutely necessary to their existence. Is anyone noticing a difference in terms of what we are reading here as opposed to our first book? Does it seem different? Many of these women use performance in their art. If there is a difference in writing, can you put some fingers on it. How do these women write differently? As they write on the margins, how marginal are their lives? Do we know folks battling similar issues? Using art or performance? How did you relate to Nicole Blackman's story? Dive, Alice, Drive... What did you think of her mentoring? Elizabeth Stephens and Annie Sprinkle delve into cancer and performance. What draws you into their stories? Or not draw you in?
ReplyDeleteThis post will be my most difficult. I was so impressed with Nicole Blackman’s insights and haunting poem, “Holy” (and I generally have no interest in poetry) that shifting from this prescient understanding of young women’s sense of powerlessness and difficult ways to regain power, to Annie Sprinkle and Elizabeth Stephens’ performance about cancer, caused internal conflicts that I cannot fully reconcile.
DeleteYou see, Annie Sprinkle was never my hero, never offered me any insights into myself. She was taking LSD when she was 14 and having sex with her 26-year-old boyfriend when she was 16. We are close to the same age. Her early career as a porn actress and her later transformation to performance artist gave me zero ways to understand the incredibly difficult life I was choosing as an artist. I can say the same about Claude Monet and Paul Gaugin. I understand that on some level we are all one. I accept that Ms Sprinkle and Elizabeth Stephens are artists. I accept that Monet and Gaugin were artists. Do I like their art? That’s not relevant.
Nicole Blackman’s “Holy” and the essay “How Alice Learned to Drive” gave me a lot more to think about. First, “Holy” was terrifyingly accurate about the thinking of an anorexic. At first I thought it was an Anorexia Manifesto! In 1684 Anorexia Nervosa was described for the first time, but not until 1870 was it identified and diagnosed. I didn’t know this until after Blackman’s essay aroused my interest enough to make me delve into the condition, even though I have had students who suffered from it. The powerlessness that (mostly) women who try to deal with it through starvation experience is terribly disturbing. I found myself wondering if others who starve because of scarcity have any of the comforting thoughts that anorexics have of some purification rite? This was the only thing that I could hope for in this chilling poem, because the starved mind/body is altered from our normal experiences, this was the only hopeful idea I could latch onto. As an artist, I was numbed that her work could become co-opted as an archetype or meme for those who adhere to this awful disorder. Blackman’s reluctant willingness to deal with young women afflicted with this altered mind/body state was a testament to the compassion of most artists.
While I think that an artist must take responsibility for their work, within reason. But if John Hinkley’s infatuation with Jodie Foster’s young character in Dog Day Afternoon caused him to shoot Ronald Reagan, is it director Sydney Lumet’s responsibility to “fix” Hinkley’s mental state? Blackman took that on. French artist Pierre Huyghe later made an interesting video that featured one of the released robbers profiled in Lumet’s movie using a recreation of Lumet’s set. I saw it in Vail, Colorado, and it was a very interesting to see how art and reality can diverge and converge. I accept Hughe as an artist. Do I like his work? That's not relevant.
After reflecting on the responses to Blackman's "Holy" by those who are affected by disordered eating, what I found most interesting was her choice to redirect the focus back onto other people. I thought this was an incredibly generous and altruistic reaction on her part; I can image it is not easy to be confronted with having unintentionally crossed a sensitive boundary by inhabiting the territory of anorexia. For instance, instead of abandoning the poem altogether, Blackman came to an interesting conclusion that although she had never practiced restrictive eating herself, she could still relate to the act of self-destruction in an authentic manner. As David mentioned, I was also moved by her diligence in responding to those who reached out to her and were suffering. As a teacher, I think the mere act of "being there" is truly underrated. Oftentimes I get the sense that young peoples' experiences are overlooked or dismissed by the people around them, especially when there aren't too many outward indications that they are dealing with difficult situations. To me, listening and asking questions are supportive and validating gestures that are representative of the compassion that, in my opinion, should be a basic tenet of human interaction. Not to huff and puff about the effects of advanced capitalism, (because I will given the chance!) but I think the rigorous speed, demands and expectations associated with it can result in / or necessitate an insensitive social reality.
DeleteAlso, on the subject of compassion/love, I appreciated reading about the tremendous love between Annie Sprinkle and Elizabeth Stephens, but I have mixed feelings about the message Sprinkle sends as a life-performer. First though, I found their thoughts on showing the complexity of love, life, death, eroticism, etc. to be valuable, as I think showing differentiation within experience is hugely important to self love and tolerance. I guess to me I take issue with promoting being sex-positive using examples like voluntary participation in prostitution, porn, etc. in such a generalized way to young people because I think the message can be very easily misconstrued. For example, Sprinkle makes a sweeping generalization about the benefits of sex work, when in reality a substantial number struggle with substance abuse or have experienced multiple abortions. There's a really interesting documentary on this that talks about how things like "Hipster Porn" are drawing girls to the industry by giving the impression that there is nothing to be concerned about and that sex work is empowering to women. The reason given by the industry is that what was previously criticized with regard to sex work was merely a product of out-dated moral impositions. At any rate, while I appreciate Sprinkle and Stephens' work on a certain level, I am concerned that, unlike Blackman's response to reactions about her poem, the over-generalization will discourage critical, self-determined acts.
The most interesting point about Blackman’s work is the reactions of the audiences to her performance and work. She depicts her imagination through the topics that often ignored even with the people who have experienced them in their real life because they are introduced as personal secrets. These audiences don’t like she uncovers the secret that herself didn’t experience. The audiences’ reaction that they thought they had been duped for me is thoughtful. The sense of being exploited by the artist since she played with the reality which is part of their life is the highlighted part for me. When they themselves can’t talk about it, they get upset when someone else narrates this to them. Someone who doesn’t have the common experience and it seems her performance is not based on facts in her personal life but fictions. They asked her “What did it make you think of?” it seems hearing your secrets from someone else’s’ mouth highlights the weakness that society has inculcated in them. They have learned to be ignored and if someone talks about them it should be one of them. A person who has had the same experience but doesn’t keep it secret and talk.
DeleteBlackman was a tough read because I have had family institutionalized for anorexia and bulimia as well as a close relative who danced dangerously with anorexia for a couple years while facing transgender shifting. What made it harder is the hard shift of it not being the actual account but more of an understanding and for one major reason. I became her. I read on about others whom responded and the interactions. My own fiance is self destructive and is a picker. (for those that dont know it is a form of self harm where the individual picks imperfections from the skin often leaving multiple sores and scars.) I realize as an educator I am the listener as much as I am with my own fiance. I believe that ever one suffers differently and to more or less manageable degrees. The idea of sex work I believe is a method that may work for a few as a sort of way to rise above in a way they feel in control, however, as Sylvia stated doubts, I agree and believe that this will not work for a lot that desperately want an answer. The misguided youth may turn to feeling this is an easy answer and find themselves in a much worse position. I can relate this to rehabs secret 13th step. For many the 13th step is to start smoking or form another habit because you cant get rid of a habit you just replace so many begin smoking instead of drugs or alcohol. I did. Is smoking a good idea? Hell no and it took me over 6 years to quit, but it was a solution at the time. I feel like this is the same sort of thing that it honestly can work for a select few but I would NEVER EVER recommend it.
DeleteI think Elizabeth and Sprinkle’s performances are the representation of seeking self. This self is being a woman. Cancer gives the fear of losing the familiar self and their approach to this disease when it seems this cancer makes changes in their identity provides a journey in experiencing life with different perspective. The different that I can see between is the way creativity grows. In the first book creativity and art come out of restoration and relief where the artists try to save the earth and environment but in the second book creativity comes out of self-destruction.
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DeleteNicole Blackman,
DeleteEating disorders go hand in hand with self-medicating, "I threw out hundreds of things that I didn't need anymore." A clear sign that the thought of death is evident, giving away, throwing away or selling items is the thought process for someone that might leave this world and enters into the next. I found interesting she uses the same burial techniques in Jewish laws, "When they find me, I'll have a little smile on my face and they'll wrap me in a white cloth and lay me in the ground and say they don't understand. But I do." They wrapped Jesus in white linen and laid him in a tomb, she gives herself a similar setting for herself when people find her.
One piece of yard art work reminds me of the background of the Virgen De Guadalupe, the background of rays in the Virgen reminds me of the blue bottles used in the art work in the yard. It's a nice image, thanks for sharing.
DeleteStephens/Sprinkle,
DeleteSo much to say about this part of Live through This, to turn a grim situation into art was beyond words for me. Dressing up and documenting chemo and radiation treatments along the way was a strong way of dealing with such an overwhelming experience. Reading this was therapy for me, I am 1 year and 3 months into remission from stage 2 anal cancer as I'm sure I have mentioned before. I guess I express this so much in this blog because I did not record nor spoke to my family or social media about my experience with chemo, radiation and now menopause. I wanted to be strong for my family, I wanted to show them the least amount of pain or struggle because I didn't want to scare them or worry them. I wanted to carry on as business as usual, but truth is during my infusions I was exhausted. I wanted to keep caring for my 2 year old twins like usual but truth is I couldn't wait for their nap time so I could rest too. What I did find from my experience was there is power in suffering, there is strength in pain and there is peace when engulfed in fear. There is a bond among people diagnosed with cancer, it's a kinship that is strong and I can honestly say I actually lived through this.
Howell,
Delete"Aren't we all weight watchers- watchers of our weight?"
I do believe the trend is changing when it comes to mass media and the outlook of weight gain. I still believe this is a slow transition from overly thin models and what the media portrayed what American women should look like, thin and white. I believe it is so sad when we discriminate on those that struggle with obesity, I don't know what is worse doing it unconsciously or not? It infuriates me when women do it to each other, at some point or another all women think about their weight and when I hear or read one bash another for it it's the equivalency as nails across a chalkboard.
Musician and filmmaker Silas Howard describes her story. Her adventures. Her attempts to rise above poverty. Do you notice any similarities in your art or life? For them, "friendship was how to find yourself" (p. 127). I'm imagining that some of these stories may seem harsh and yet as I re-read through them, I am captivated with honest recollections of adversity and self-discovery. Rappin' My Wounds...Toni Blackman. Hip Hop artist. Wise words? Things we can only learn through lived experience? Have you known anyone who was "red bone evil" (p. 131)? She writes about scars from childhood that we all hold. "He is your lesson" (p. 138). Who was your lesson?
ReplyDeleteSilas Howard's story reminded me that I've heard that people consider relationships between those who were struggling with trauma/substance abuse as potentially enabling and therefore dangerous. To be honest, I've heard the warning echoed so much that I expected to read that after being sober for two weeks, relapse occurred due to the influence of those friendships. Not so! Howard's story is exactly the opposite of that; their friendship provided an encouraging, supportive, and healing environment where nervous energy from a life without substances was collectively turned into a creative practice. Wonderful!
DeleteToni Blackman's use of creative energy struck me as a unique tool for coping with and reflecting on trauma as it unfolds in the moment. Oftentimes I think about healing in a post-ordeal sense, but having a mechanism of self preservation such as this seems like it could be really effective. To me, the way the content was conveyed seemed as though she was acknowledging her experiences (i.e. working through her participation in the relationship/arguments and self-reconciliation thereof) but also reaffirming the reality of her partner's abuse. In this way, the work seemed empowering to me because she refused to give her partner the satisfaction of having access to her inner moments of contemplation. To me, this refusal of relinquishing her emotional self appeared to result in a self-dialogue that demonstrated a kindness towards oneself with an ultimate goal of accountability and increased resilience.
DeleteMy lesson was my father. Brilliant, engaging, the golden child in his family of origin, a sociopathic liar, endlessly insecure about his masculinity and he projected the onto me. I was a disappointment to him. hated sports, liked making things which he said "I'll never understand." Biggest compliment from him: "A friend's wife says you are a really good artist." I struggled to define myself as a man w/o any useful role model except my maternal grandpa. He was a musician and very inventive, if a bit Spartan. But my "lesson" destroyed himself in every conceivable way: whoring, drinking, indulging, gambling, "acting like a man." Geez! He just couldn't relate to anything I was about.
DeleteSilas Harper was the darkly possible me, but one I would never let take hold, because I would become my father, my lesson, and die alone and sick from excesses. Because my "lesson" never got clean. I decided never to need to get clean because it looked like it never worked. Maybe that's the reason I am who I am. Some could call it fear, but I would now say that it's grief. I never grieved the death of my father, but I grieved the lesson he taught me. I might have had more fun if that grief hadn't followed me through life, but I smile every time I realize I didn't have to become clean. Of course, I will never know if I was missing out on something, but I can live with it.
This is one of the hardest posts I may ever have to write so I will keep it brief. My father is red bone evil and very much so 'my lesson'. My whole life has nothing but abuse in several forms to the extent that things I loved can no longer be enjoyed because the horrible memories and his voice that keep the attack coming. I used to think it was just the strength or power but one fateful day after he beat my mother and tried to take my sister for another threatening murder suicide he came for me. He tried to kill me and break my neck. In self defense I stabbed him 5 times in the back while he as on top of me. He almost died and I went to jail. You would think I would have felt I over powered the evil but the years that followed only brings more pain. He is my lesson. I create and write on this principle on battling the evil for all those that suffer and need to feel hope. Even if I cut him out of my life and never hear from or see him again he will be 'my lesson' for all of my life and lastingly so through my work. Ironically I always have a mirror of bone red evil to reflect of who I am and what I create so that I never become the same.
DeleteSilas Howard’s work and her view of life is mixed with her childhood memories and the world she experienced and imagined. Fantasy for her was a drug to heal the pains but how can heal the pains when the imagination of getting attention is annihilated to getting abused. Her work reminds me a film named “Girls don’t scream”. The film represents a wrong culture that families hesitate to talk about child abuse. The victims can’t even talk about this because being a victim also is a big fault. It is better to keep it a secret because if other people know you are the victim you don’t have any place between them and they can’t live as a normal person.
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DeletediMassa...Artful Ways of Surviving. How do we use them in our lives, art or teaching? Weight Watcher. Stephanie Howell. Reading her life by weight subtitles. I'd like for you to google or youtube Marilyn Wann, wrote the book Fat!So! She is a fat activist. See if you can see images of her Yay! scale. If not, I can post a few photos of a former student who bought a Yay! scale and did a performance years ago for a Genderland one-night exhibition at the Ice House at LHUCA in Lubbock. Do Howell's stories ring true to you? Do you have your own versions? Howell embraced performance. Can we ever embrace it as a medium?
ReplyDeleteStephanie Howell's journey was really eye-opening to me. It seems like whether it's substance abuse, mental illness, disordered eating, poverty, homelessness, etc. differences in lifestyle/habits/behavior are equated to inferiority. It's as though these manners of being are due to the individual's failure...so far from the truth, but I won't go there!
DeleteAlso, I was interested in Howell's experience of being onstage and receiving validation from the audience. Personally, I am absolutely petrified of performing onstage (theatrical performance, not performance art - I make performance art by thinking of it as carrying out an action), but it was intriguing to consider that perhaps one's inner-critic could turn out to be even harsher than other people, and that the gaze others could actually help ground a skewed self-image. I also liked that she considers her work to be "an opportunity to explore, engage in reflexivity, and create [her] work." To me, this allows discomfort and affirmation to exist simultaneously within a critical and thought-provoking safe space for both artist and audience.
I used to describe performance as "bad theater." But I eventually experienced the opposite. Partly it came from finding my own voice in my mid-twenties, but mostly it came when I was in my early 50's and was an Art Department Chair (something my artist friends pointed out had been delayed by 20 years). I had to talk to parents, potential students, young artists, mature artists, and I discovered I had the ability to speak extemporaneously (something frowned upon in academic conferences). But I am good at it because I have no fear of my experiences or my thoughts. Like Stephanie Howell, I was unexpectedly validated by audiences, large and small. People asked for copies of my speeches and I told them it was all impromptu. And that's the word for it. Howell and I learned to be impromptu. As I saw people impressed by what I did and said in these "performances", I realized I was more than OK just the way I was. I could invoke biblical passages from "The Book of Hendrix, Chapter 6, Verse 9", making the audience reach for the imaginary bible in their pews and recite after me: "Well if a six turned out to be nine, I don't mind. I don't mind. If the mountains fall into the sea, let it be. Let it be, cuz. I got my own life to live through, and I ain't gonna copy YOU." The incredible thing was I hardly know the words to any songs, but it just flowed from my lips. I had a colleague who was supposed to speak after me at a Convocation. I was asked last minute to talk on behalf of the Animation program. I got on stage, walked behind the rear projection screen and did an impromptu shadow play that I narrated. I would walk backwards from the projection screen, and my silhouette would become larger, and then towards it and it would become life-size. I talked about the "suspension of disbelief" in Animation and explained the techniques in pantomime. The colleague who followed me was unable to speak for several minutes. He just said, "I am at a loss for words at what we have just witnessed. This is what creativity can be in its highest form of expression. I was validated.
DeleteI used to be a competitive vocalist singing in large choirs to solo performances. I have sang across multiple states as well as in the winter palace in Vienna Austria. I have performed in groups from a few dozen to thousands. The terror I never could get over but afterwards I can say I did it and writing it sounds so much more valid than I actually feel about it. I now attend many comic conventions and the like selling my books and my work. I talk to thousands of people of what I try to accomplish and it is in the few smiling faces I feel the validity in what I do. I am showing tonight at Tornado Gallery and I realize that performance is becoming part of the gallery presentation in a way. My work is some how more valid if I am there to talk about it and I approved for what I try to achieve. I believe more and more we are accepeting performance as the art that it is because consumers are beginning to demand it as part of the product. I imagine the consumer wants to validate and much as I seek validation. In the end I dance with expecting failure. SO few will validate and the colleagues becomes superficial as they suggestive sell their brand as well. The peformance becomes the turmoil I suffer for the validation and it turn is the product. I hate it but I feel validation is now the hottest commodity in our consumer culture.
Delete“Art imitating life, life imitating art.” Stephanie Howell shows the identity that she has received from people in real life. The identity that usually people intends to hide not represent as a performance. I never thought that I can make art with the identity that culture and society have given to me. I question myself how much I can present the real myself without fear of being judged and validated? Should I find myself from my inside character or the one that I have from culture and by interacting with people? And are they different?
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DeleteAnd questions, comments, advice, updates about projects. Remember, at some point you will need to post the address of where we can look at your progress on your project (or not if it's secret/private). Don't post those now. I will post a sidebar where everyone can post address--not yet. That's in a three weeks or so. I will also post a page on here where you can leave comments about other's projects as well. That's also in three weeks or so.
ReplyDeleteMy blog address, which only has the intro post so far, is http://beyondmyfence.blogspot.com/ I am currently organizing all the photos and transferring them to my computer to start regularly posting. I have found blogger a little harder to live post as I am used to Wordpress as my daily go to for my artwork and books. I am instead going to organize weekly weekend posts potentiall on saturday that give progression as well as other little insights and shared ideas. I believe the more time goes on the more I want to incorporate the personal aspects and stories of things. This has me really considering how i may evolve my original idea to be more a personal exploration of blooming through the space we create and how the garden can reflect like a journal might.
DeleteBased on these two books that we have read so far, I like to find the similarities between women and the earth and the ways they are treated. I want to create a sound track that depicts woman being and the earth as one concept.
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ReplyDeleteLate Post from Week 10 -
ReplyDeleteI thought that Carol Queen's writing on losing her virginity conveyed the trajectory of the whole matter in a refreshing and healthy way. From her anticipation of what sex would bring or how it would transform her, to her feeling of incredible luck that it would actually happen, to a dissatisfying experience, to terror, to contemplating suicide, to a coming-to-terms with the situation at large. Two of the most interesting things to me were her reflection on how she used talking about sex (despite her naivety) to assume power and her reflection on her experience of not having had a satisfying sexual experience, "Honestly, I had probably never been so far away from orgasm in my life." In both of these examples, Queen uses her knowledge as an adult to interpret her younger self's experiences. In this way, I thought her writing was powerful for students who are limited by their perspectives in life due to age, exposure, culture, etc.
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ReplyDeleteWhat stuck out to me about Cristy Road's illustrations and text was her honesty. What I mean is that I got a really potent sense of emotional transparency in telling the story, which seems to come from the healing derived from non-judgement of the self. I believe that this might be the biggest hurtle in facing the self-destruction that addiction brings: acknowledging that one is utilizing exterior things as a distraction or emotional shied - as a compensatory measure. This is also a story of seeing shades of gray, meaning that recovery can be thought of more precisely than merely an all or nothing result. Most basically though, Road's work was inspiring in that it showed someone thinking through their experiences without labels and judgments - trying to understand events and catalysts, her own behavior, in order to arrive at a place of healing.
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ReplyDeleteWhile I have experienced the deaths of a few of my family members, more similar to David I have not experienced the death of someone I was extremely close to or someone who died unexpectedly. I am fortunate in that way. However, I could definitely relate to Muscio's emotional loss of her brother prior to his actual death. I found her assessment of her father's replacement with her mother's partner (Karen) to be compelling. To me, it really speaks to underlying realities/truths that can easily be glossed over when looking in from the outside. Also, it seemed like when Muscio's family's dynamics were just beginning to change it was hard to anticipate the degree to which the relationships would change. In sum, the way Muscio describes Karen's controlling nature as having a profound affect on her relationship with her family was incredibly sad, especially considering that she had just begun to rebuild her relationship with her brother before his untimely death.
The idea that grieving to mend the pain of death in an absolute sense has long disturbed me. In this way, this book has resonated with me in its insistence on the importance of accepting that pain is an important part of the living experience. In my lifetime, I have seen a shift towards zero tolerance for pain (both physical and emotional), and this strikes me as very unhealthy. To me, pain, sadness, melancholy etc. have provided beautifully complex insights to my comprehension of what it means to be alive in this moment.
What a great take on Musico's experience of grief. And I completely agree with you that our society has shifted towards a very unhealthy "zero tolerance for pain." I see so many trying to escape pain in so many ways. Even though I have not experienced the immediate loss she did when Nick died, I do experience a lot of pain and grief for the comfort of numbness that has become so prevalent in our society. I shudder at it almost as much as the idea that we need 9-11's, Columbine massacres, Sandy Hook shootings, or Fukushimas to make us comprehend what it means to be alive. And we seem to strive to find conspiracy theories or straw men to blame to as quickly as possible remove those tragedies from reality.
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ReplyDeleteI found Patricia Smith's work to be the most captivating recollection, manner of representation, and perspective in this set of readings. While the writing was incredibly personal and rich in detail, it was also imparted in such a way that her personal pain was able to resonate deeply within me. I think this is because her story was conveyed on a micro and macro level, meaning that details of her particular experiences were situated within a larger sociopolitical, cultural, and ethnic context.
Most strikingly, the terrible memory of her father's death was somehow beautiful to me; as if out of the tragedy came a sincere affirmation of life and death. On one hand her memories reinforced how much her father empowered her, and on the other hand she recognized that he had his faults in life. Parallel to these dichotomies were the descriptions of her father's death as chillingly gruesome, whereas other images were thick with philosophical beauty. To me, her story of reconciling the events of her father's life and death illustrated her strength through her unwillingness to relinquish the burden of her grief or to adopt a false belief of what transpired.
Her poem to the man who shot her father was beautiful to me because it was uncensored and honest. As Smith wove the love of her father and his bluesman/dancer persona into her writing, I could see that her unrequited vengeance could coexist with a deep love because grief neither negated vengeance nor extinguished love.
DeleteLate Post Week 10 #1 - I believe these stories potentially show how the creative beauty and ownership the lives an individual may live can be channeled for greater purposes. The reality that we must observe that we will and can fall into both columns is a strong reminder of the human reality that we are not perfect role models nor should we expect our students to be fortunate enough to have a perfect life. The more we embrace our daemons the more we may create with a passion and soul. This understanding will also help teach those that may also be facing horrible scenarios and are searching for some channel that we are right there to offer.
ReplyDeleteLate Post Week 10 #2 - I feel Queen's depiction of the drowning thoughts of suicide over pregnancy is much deeper than how it seems to be lightly heartedly addressed. I believe she was, prior to this event, looking at the playing field as a player ready to take a move that would take control of the entire game. She was about to establish the moves that make her life what she chose however the move she made led to results she never considered possible. Everything was uncertainty. Instead of control she felt her first move had lost the game entirely. David stated the conundrum of suicide over a new live but in her shoes there was no new life. There was her doomed own life and a child's that couldn't possibly end well in her own environment so the only option was cast out but to where. There was no option just game over. The writing became the one thing she could control and manipulate that wasnt trying to destroy her. The wisdom came years later through reflection of an understanding that only could come from personal reflection and wisdom through age. I think it is critical that i, as an educator, reflect at the naivety our students rightfully have. This example makes it clear that the hindsight she saw from a much different light than she did now. I myself i am sure am guilty of a lot of this sort of differing perceptions so it is without saying that our students will not see things as we don now but of course more like my younger self.
ReplyDeleteLate Post Week 10 #3 - Cristy Road's work reminded me so much of watching the dizzying perspective in the movie Requiem for a Dream. The effects of her father's murder are the constant inescapable point of revolution that her psyche torments around through drug induced contemplation. I do not see the work to be read as rational or irrational statements but a flux and flow swimming to and fro between states of emotional expression. This is not to say that she can not control her life as those that lost control in the film however the idea that an individual may continue living through the perpetuation of the chaos comes to mind. Sometimes the only way to move forward is through the revolution of that which created the current state of things. The pain and anger may be the fuel to create and the rectification of the turmoil may end the will to live as well. In some ways I feel she needs to continually revisit all the emotions she has for the killer because if that ever stopped she would cease to be driven and a part of her would die with her father as a result of her fatehr's death as they are forever entwined.
ReplyDeleteLate Post Week 10 #4/5 - In all I actually find these passages rather difficult to read because one by one there is ways in which I can relate that brought welling emotions up. It took me several sittings to read through it and even some i had to break up because i couldn't do some in one read from the sheer upset feelings I had that hit too close to home. Without getting into detail I have suffered from child abuse, spousal abuse, drug addiction myself as well as others, suicide attempts, pregnancy scares, miscarries, suicides, deaths and more. These things shape the art I create and the reasons for why I do it.
ReplyDeleteNow to change the subject I have secured a blog and begun the process that I will share later this week as it becomes more put together. I look forward to sharing.
I am reconsidering my Final Project-in-Process. As we moved from Eco Art into Personal and Social Justice,I have been reflecting on artwork I intended to make but couldn't commit the time to. After relating the murders of my El Salvadoran friend's family members, I came across studies I had done that illustrated the trauma and despair he went through. And as part of my growing awareness about how my work must be manifested, I realized I had never followed through on the work I intended that paid homage to his loss. So, I may be retreating from my more eco-orientedconcept about the heliotropism of sunflowers (plus they won't be mature enough to begin filming until early Fall), to a social justice-themed drawing that I never got beyond preliminary sketches for. I am not committing completely to this, but there would be no technology-related obstacles to overcome. I still "see" the work I envisioned and have preparatory sketches, plus my studio is getting cleared out, finally, after being held hostage by family members while I was in Texas!
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